As a writer I'm often plagued with self doubt and fears about whether what I am doing is good enough. If my words will actually have an impact. If my story will affect anyone. It's nice when friends and family say nice things about my writings, but the proof in the pudding (so to speak) is when I get comments and reviews from the public. That's when I know what impact my words have... for good or bad.
Recently, I was on Amazon and noticed a new review on my book, And Then My Uterus Fell Out. This is a memoir on my birth trauma and resulting severe case of pelvic organ prolapse (POP). Obviously talking about something so personal was extremely hard. I really struggled with publishing the book and will admit to having many moments when I considered taking the book down.
Fear is a powerful force for many writers.
People sometimes ask why I use a pen name. This book is why. Talking about my private bits with the world was scary and I needed to have a different name on the cover. If I hadn't used a pen name, this book never would have been published.
When I did publish it, I was approached by many people from all over the world. The result was touching and I even had media wanting to talk to me. I turned them down, I just couldn't talk about this on camera, I could only do it with my written words. I knew I couldn't share this with my voice.
It's been many years since I published this book. This Wednesday also marks 10 years since I experienced birth trauma and resulting POP. I can't believe I've lived with this condition for 10 years already and as I go into my 40's and the dreaded menopause, I admit some of my fears are coming back and I've been tempted to remove this book from publication.
Then I saw this review on Amazon, and I was reminded why I write, even when it's tough.
To anyone considering reading this who is dealing with a prolapse: I highly recommend reading it if for no other reason than to give you hope. I have been researching all that I can find on the internet in how to deal with this. It's infuriating that very few people can feel comfortable discussing this very common yet extremely devastating condition among women. It is life changing for those of us who suffer from it and yet it's treated either as no big deal deal or as something to be ashamed of. Kudos to the author for her bravery and honesty in writing this.
To the author: I can't thank you enough for having the guts to write this book. I am struggling with pop and found that what's worked well for you had been successful for me as well. At least so far. I know I'll never be "cured" but your book inspired me to get up off my arse and fight to keep in control of my body the best I can under these circumstances. I did get my own zipper zapper which my husband has nicknamed the snapper zapper, the tuna toner, and various other names that probably wouldn't be allowed on here. This book truly pulled me out of an awful depression and so if nothing else improves, at least I am dealing with it now in a new perspective. Thank you again and I hope you know how much you are appreciated for helping women dealing with this now, and more importantly for helping to educate our daughters and make everyone more aware so that prevention and better treatments may some day be available.
Your words matter. Your story matters. Never stop believing in the power of words and your ability to touch others.